Vyvyan Basterd
Vyvyan Basterd is a psychopathic punk metal medical student. Described as a "Ruthless and sadistic maniac" by Rick, he regularly attacks both Rick and Neil with pieces of wood, cricket bats and other objects such as frying pans, hammers and kettles. The only person who is safe from his extreme violence and cruelty is Mike whom he greatly respects, looks up to and tries to impress. He is played by Adrian Edmondson. Fictional character biography Only one of Vyvyan's relatives is seen in the series, his mother, a former shoplifter who prior to the events of boring hadn't seen him in ten years. The two do not have a close relationship, she did not want to hear about his life despite the time apart instead flirting with mike, also Vyvyan's mother is often cruel to him, such as giving him a box of matches to play with when he was a baby, or giving him an empty bottle of vodka as a present when he was ill and screaming in his face "Up yours, ugly," Vyvyan likewise always tells her to "''piss off" whenever he sees her and treats her with no respect. Vyvyan has a keen scientific mind and creates various potions throughout the series, one of which causes his hair to fall out, exposing the mark 666 on his scalp; another transforms anyone who drinks it into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac. Vyvyan describes it as cure "for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac." ''He has also demonstrated impressive mathematical talent, instantly calculating how many times he has worn his three pairs of knickers: 269 times since their last wash. Despite this, he cannot tell time. Vyvyan owns a hamster named Special Patrol Group (SPG), of whom he is very fond. SPG, however. is still subjected to Vyvyan's extreme violence, being thrown into a pot, through the floor or into a large pool of hungry sharks, drowned in the sink, beaten with a hammer or squashed flat and then stuck in a toaster. All of these instances, however are not without provocation, with SPG plugging the television Vyvyan had just eaten in electrocuting him, and biting him in the shoulder and finger. Vyvyan has killed many people throughout the series, including several medieval peasants he mistakenly blew to pieces with a cannon (while trying to shoot Rick), the Footlights college, Oxbridge University challenge team, whom he vaporized with a bomb, and a student at a party who he punched out and then burned. Neil is a frequent victim of Vyvyan's abuse and cruelty with Vyvyan smashing a plate over his head after giving him three seconds to make the dinner, beating him relentlessly with cricket bats, hammers and his fists, and also hammering six-inch nails into his skull. Despite all of this Vyvyan does not actually hate Neil and in fact quite likes him, even introducing him as his friend to his mother. His attacks on Neil are never out of malice, they are either because he is bored or ironically because he believes he is helping him (hammering the six inch nails into his skull was Vyvyan's crude attempts at acupuncture), frustration at Neil for not having made his dinner, or even because he thinks it is funny (when he hits Neil with a kettle he thinks it is merely an amusing trick the Neil will enjoy). His attacks on Rick, however, who is his main target of abuse, are always out of malice as he utterly despises him. Vyvyan will often punch and hit Rick at the slightest provocation, such as Rick telling him to use his hands when working the video player or telling him to leave his bedroom. He has attacked and beaten Rick with cricket bats (once hitting him in the testicles with a cricket bat so hard that the bat broke), pokers, a two-by-four (after Rick remarked that "''sticks and stones may break my bones") hammers, medieval clubs, cricket balls, frying pans and has smashed bottles, plates and cups over his head. He often grabs Rick and screams in his face, "Rick ,shut up OR I'LL KILL YOU!" He has tried to kill Rick many times. Attempts on Rick's life by Vyvyan include the following *Vyvyan pinning Rick to a wall with a crowbar and attempting to slice him open with an axe, only to stop when Neil told Vyv that Ricks bedroom was on fire after which Vyv ran upstairs with a tank of gasoline. *Throwing a petrol bomb into Ricks bedroom. *When Rick fell into an open grave Vyvyan attempted to fill it in, but when Neil complained that they couldn't bury Rick alive Vyvyan responded "That's absolutely true, Neil, we better kill him first" ''and attempted to beat him to death with a shovel. *Vyvyan once strapped a circular saw into Ricks bed which nearly sliced him in two. *After a massive argument over whether or not Rick was a virgin, Vyvyan attempted to blow Rick to pieces with a cannon. Rick even admitted (in an attempt to save his life) that he was a virgin, but Vyvyan still tried to kill him. Vyvyan only relented when Rick agreed to his terms which were, that Rick not only had to admit to everyone he was a virgin but that he had to wear a sign that said "''I AM A VIRGIN" and had to pay Vyvyan money for disagreeing with him whilst Vyvyan hit him over the head with a mace. Vyvyan will often turn whatever game they are playing into an abusing Rick game. He once changed the rules of a cricket match they were playing into him cracking Rick over the head with a cricket ball and setting fire to his arse. He also changed the rules of Monopoly to sticking the cards up Rick's bottom, setting fire to his bed and smashing him over the head with the bank. Vyvyan frequently destroys and steals Ricks possessions, with examples being, eating all of his food even when it is marked with sticky labels, burning his bedroom, his sociology files and his record player that his parents bought him after his exams, stealing his girly purse after Rick declared "''All property is theft" ''and ripping his comic books in half. In addition to winning absolutely all of their physical fights Vyvyan also wins all of their verbal confrontations as well and is usually the one who tells Rick how badly hated he is by the others. The only person who is safe from Vyvyan's abuse is Mike whom Vyvyan greatly respects. The relationship between Vyvyan and Mike is the only one that could be described as friendly. There are only two occasions when Mike and Vyv clash, one where Mike forbids Vyvyan from using his powerful and dangerous Hoover and Vyvyan calls him a poof, and the other where Vyvyan knocks Mike and everyone else including himself out with a hammer. In addition to abusing the other housemates Vyvyan regularly destroys large sections of the flat, punching through the walls, doors and windows, smashing the televisions and wiring the door bell up to a bomb. He frequently displays superhuman strength and durability such as moving the entire house with his bare hands, lifting Neil over his head in a fight with Rick and surviving both a pickaxe through the skull and having his head cut off by a train. He also eats just about anything from television sets to dead rats to exploding bricks to caviar and cornflakes with ketchup. He often inflicts acts of extreme violence on himself as well such as punching himself hitting himself over the head with a hammer and strapping a bomb to his head. He even once kicked his own severed head down a railway line for fun. Vyvyan is apparently bisexual as whilst he often ogles beautiful women and once apparently slept with Kate Bush using Neil as a contraceptive, he also snogs with his hamster SPG and once became excited at seeing Neil in a dress. Vyvyan was along with his other three housemates evicted from his house by his fascist landlord Mr Balowfski. Living on the streets and in need of cash the foursome robbed a bank and escaped in a bus. Things were looking up with loads of cash and the boys all getting on for once, they all however met their end when Vyvyan himself crashed the bus over the edge of a cliff where it exploded. Despite the handicap of being dead and a wanted criminal Vyvyan and his other former housemates Rick, Mike and Neil recorded a version of living doll with Cliff Richard which got to number 1 in the charts. Sadly it was for charity and none of them got any money for it and most likely remained very poor. Notes and Trivia *Vyvyan owns a yellow Ford Anglia with red flames on the side. He is very fond of this car, crying when he crashes it and threatening to kill Neil if he touches it. *Vyvyan has 666 embedded in his head (this is seen when he drinks a potion that causes all of his hair to fall out) *Ade Edmondson briefly reprised his role of Vyvyan in the bottom live weapons grade Y fronts tour when Ritchie and Eddie travel back in time and really, they can use old material again. *He has orange spiked hair and four metal stars embedded in his forehead.# Category:Adrian Edmondson characters Category:LGBT characters Category:Lunatics, murderers